As their kids grow up, parents increasingly believe they’re out of their depth. You may not think that parents help with homework challenges in middle or high school because the subjects are ‘so advanced’. It’s not time to give up yet. Homework struggles are due to many causes and there are many ways you can help.

Motivation

To be fair, you can’t expect all children to be driven and self-motivated, especially in middle school. They may need some tangible incentives to keep them on track, while still learning why abstract goals like ‘doing well in school’ will help them later on.

Middle school children may respond to incentives like doing a fun activity when the homework is done, or a more-complex rewards system based on points, which is like a game kids can ‘play’ to win. If you want it to succeed, work out the strategy with your child, giving him a voice as well as responsibility.

There might also be other, deeper causes for lack of motivation, especially for high school students, and you might need to work a little harder to understand what is going on. It may be due to emotional/social issues, so tread carefully and figure out what’s happening. Your child’s teacher may have some helpful insights.

Poor motivation could also be related to feeling overwhelmed or bored. You can teach your child how to break down tasks into more manageable chunks so it is not so daunting. Boredom is trickier to solve. Sometimes you can liven up the homework by showing your child how to connect it to something interesting (math to basketball, or a movie for history report), but at other times the assignment is just plain boring. All you can do is share the many times you’ve had to do dull, boring things yourself and encourage her to take breaks from the tedium. It’s a teachable moment – life’s not always fun and interesting!

Time Management

Sometimes the problem is not the complexity of the homework, but in getting it done on time. Kids do have a lot to do between schoolwork and extracurricular activities, and time management is often a learned skill. A practical solution is to encourage your child to create a schedule that includes when and where to do homework. You should work collaboratively with your child to make them feel in control of their own time, and support them in keeping to their schedule.

High schoolers have more independence, responsibilities, and of course, more homework! They need to ask for, and use on-campus resources like peer tutoring and the counseling center and be proactive in communicating with their teachers. For example, my son got an F in his Spanish flashcard assignment because he forgot to turn it in on time and was too diffident to ask if he can get partial credit for late submission.

Academic Challenges

This brings us to our final point about homework troubles – sometimes children are simply having difficulty with the subject matter and need help, and as a first step, you have to understand the problem. Is your child struggling in one class in particular, or a specific topic in that class, or all classes? Is your child struggling with being tested on the material or writing about the material though he knows it? Are your child’s friends also struggling? Talk to the teachers and hear their take on it. They spend a lot of time with your children in the classroom and have a unique insight into their academic abilities and performances. Figure out how other students are faring too.

Next, if you have the skills to help with homework, then help! If your child is having trouble with math and you’re strong in math, then set aside some unhurried time to help guide him. Be patient, figure out your child’s learning style and brush up your skills. Of course, do this only if you are confident in your expertise in the subject and your ability to teach it in a way that fits in with your school’s and your child’s needs.

At the high school level, your child’s school may also offer resources such as school counselors or peer tutoring. Don’t be shy about supporting your child in accessing all of the available resources. Your child may also do better with a study group so encourage him to join one if possible.

If your child needs more help, you should look into supplementing her learning outside of school. After-school learning centers, in-home or online tutors are all options to consider based on the needs of your child. For subject-specific help consider Meemli’s excellent online learning offerings that focus on building understanding as well as skills for success, while providing convenience and flexibility.

 

Homework offers more benefits than just good grades. Homework teaches children how to plan tasks, manage their time, motivate themselves, and take responsibility, all the skills they’d need in their adult lives. If you see your children struggling, first let them try and sort it out on their own. But don’t stand back for too long; it’s important to be proactive and help your kid before it seriously impacts his school experience. Just one caveat: don’t do your children’s homework for them!

How do you help your kids with their homework?

(This post is by contributor Anna Colibri.)

 

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(Please share this with the college-bound teen in your life!)

If you’re a high school senior, right about now you’re freaking out about your college application essay. After all, everyone tells you it is SO IMPORTANT and will determine whether you get into the college you want – or NOT!! This is the stuff of nightmares and panic attacks.

But relax.. It’s really not that scary-impossible. Approximately 2.2 million students enroll in college every year! And that “personal statement”? It is only one of the ways colleges know how amazing you are – your test scores, grades and extra-curriculars matter too!

Meemli experts are happy to share a few simple steps that you can remember next time the anxiety strikes, then take a deep breath, and let it go – you’ve got this!

 

 

Need more reassurance and active help in writing your essay? There are many places where you can get help , and Meemli offers an outstanding option.. An experienced teacher will guide you through writing your essay, all the way to the final version, and you can take the course from the comfort of home – you can’t beat that for easy access!

Check out our workshop on Writing A Winning College Essay and see if it’s right for you.

Whichever approach you choose, remember to enjoy the process as you share about your awesome self to all those admissions officers across the country – we wish you all the best!

If you have tips to share on dealing with the college essay, share them with us – we’d love to include them in a future blog post!

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No plans for Halloween yet? Does your middle or high schooler have nothing more than the school costume day (and maybe trick or treating) to look forward to? Don’t despair – with these last minute tips you can still cook up something in your witch’s cauldron for family-friendly Halloween fun with young teens!

What do they like best about Halloween?

Middle schoolers are fascinated by the feeling of freedom surrounding Halloween. Being able to roam around at night with your friends, wearing whatever you want, indulging in fantasy and mystery, meeting your strange neighbors, and getting free candy while you’re at it – all of these things create fun and lasting memories.

As high school students get older, it’s less appropriate for them to go around the neighborhood asking for candy. (“Aren’t you too old to trick-or-treat?” is what they get.) They can leave that fun to younger siblings or enjoy get-togethers with friends. The drama and excitement of dressing up in costume is the high light of Halloween for teenagers. (It can also lead to woeful laments of ‘I have nothing to wear!’, that when you hold on to your patience and pull out some creativity.)  I think there are many ways to make Halloween age-appropriate and enjoyable for everyone.

Middle schoolers and young high schoolers alike are quick to assume parents don’t care about Halloween; but we’re not fun-suckers, some of us want to be blood-suckers too! Halloween is an opportunity to get into your kid’s world and show them that you care about the things they like. While attending to the usual needs for health and safety, plan your haunted  around what will be interesting to them.

Here are some fun-tastic Halloween ideas that are great for kids of all ages and your inner child, too.

 

Go to the Movies

There are plenty of horror movies being screened on Halloween this weekend! Personally, I love staying in and having Halloween movie marathons. There’s just something about being in the dark with a bunch of your loved ones and getting paranoid about everything in the house!

Go on a Haunted House Tour

This is a must-do family activity if you want to fully experience the Halloween season–whether it’s one of those interactive super scary haunted house productions, a staged haunted house, open haunted houses, or one of those local places that are simply believed to be haunted. There are plenty of reviews online to figure out what’s age-appropriate, and most importantly–most spoOoOooky!

Build Your Own Haunted House

If you’re feeling creative, become the horror story itself! You can set up a haunted house in your shed, front yard, front porch, garage, or invite the whole neighborhood inside and set up multiple rooms. There are plenty of great ideas online, but you can also just throw up a bunch of random Halloween decorations, turn out the lights, and scream “BOO!” a lot too.

The less time-consuming alternative? Decorate your house! Inside or out, it’s an easy way to get into the Halloween spirit and a fun activity for all ages. It also encourages creativity and makes your house a lot more boo-tiful!

Bake Something Spooky

Gingerbread houses aren’t just for Christmas! A little creative decor makes them haunted for Halloween. And of course, there are the pumpkin/skull/ghost cookies that are fun to bake and eat too. Yes, this involves more sweets, but I think it’s a better alternative to I-scream!

Speaking of sweets, this is not the time to get too preachy. They must have heard a million times (from you, their school, the media) about the bad effects of too much sugar, so you don’t have to replay the lecture. Apart from reminding them gently that the candy will last longer if they have only a few pieces a day, just let them be. They’re old enough to deal with the consequences of feeling queasy if they launch into a candy-binge.

As the skeletons like to say, bone appetit!

 

Throw your own party!

Your teens have nowhere else to go? Throw an impromptu party at home! Let your kids invite a couple of friends (their parents will thank you!), and have them join you in any or all of the activities listed above. Add a little dancing (‘Thriller’ is a perennial Halloween favorite), some ‘real’ food (not just candy) and you are down for a great Halloween! (Special bonus: knowing your kids are celebrating safely at home.)

Halloween is all about having some carefree fun, so if you are tempted to get too serious about it, just throw out one of these puns!

#  Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? Because people are dying to get in!

# What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A necktarine.

# Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party? Cos everyone was a gobblin’.

You’re guaranteed to hear moans and groans, perfect to get into the Halloween ‘spirit’!

Share your ideas for Halloween fun with us – we’d love to hear them!

 

(This post was written by Anna Colibri. When Anna’s not working on digital marketing projects, she spends her time parenting two boys in beautiful San Francisco, California.)

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Of all the dreaded teen student revelations – belly piercings, failed classes, regrettable Instagram posts – hearing that your child wants to be an English major in college is pretty high up there in terms of parental dread. After all, between an anemic hiring market (outside of tech) and record-high levels of student loan debt, liberal arts degrees have come under fire. So if your kid doesn’t care about high school math since she wants to be an English major, what should you do?

First, take a deep breath

Even if you’re dead set against a liberal arts degree, and are worried your kid wants to be an English major, an immediate knee-jerk reaction won’t help anyone. Your reasons for wanting a more technical major may be based in logic, so you should be prepared to discuss your child’s field of study calmly and rationally. Be prepared to back up your assertions with numbers and sources.

A liberal arts degree is not automatic unemployment

Sure, STEM and pre-professional fields (education, healthcare, business) have better-than-average employment rates, but according to a 2014 Georgetown study, English majors have comparable employment rates with more “practical” majors like hospitality management, economics and political science. A senior thesis on James Joyce doesn’t necessarily send you straight to the unemployment line.

Moreover, studying the humanities doesn’t just hone your ability to compare Romantic literature and modern film. Your child is learning to quickly synthesize large amounts of information, think critically, recognize patterns, research and communicate effectively. And studying English is hard work – don’t assume that he’d be slacking off just because he isn’t pursuing a STEM degree.

 

Talk about a path to employability

If your child is still set on a humanities degree and you’re still worried about it, discuss how you can make him as hirable as possible. No matter what he studies, some quantitative experience can help – Code.org provides free introductory programming classes, for example, and he can brush up on his math skills with a summer course. Computer skills are in high demand, and they don’t necessarily preclude a humanities degree. And if he wants to get into a good liberal arts program, he still needs to successfully complete his high school math requirements!

Finally, tell him to start thinking about his career now. Have him talk to other people in different careers, with various degrees, liberal arts or STEM. It may also be an opportunity to pursue careers he hasn’t previously considered, from education to law. Don’t forget to use your teen’s guidance counselor (if he has one) as a resource!

Focus on happiness, present and future

In the long run, your goal is the same as your child’s – her happiness. And truth be told, financial security plays a big part in that. Translate the typical salary levels for her college and major to quality of life: if she’s making the median amount, will she be able to make a decent living in her dream city? Pay for an apartment while still saving for retirement? Get her master’s without drowning in debt? Money can be a pretty abstract concept for teenage students, so lay it out in concrete terms.

You should also encourage her to talk to English majors who graduated recently. Your kid’s college counselor may be able to connect her to some so she can learn about their career paths and get their advice on their choice of major and its rewards as well as challenges. A true story will resonate more deeply than any statistic.

Do your own research on opportunities for English majors – just for your own peace of mind. Here’s one that shows even tech companies need English majors!

Last but not least, remember that nothing is set in stone: her choice of major may change ten times before graduation, or it may not; she may find a job offer straight out of college, or struggle for a bit; she may even switch careers ten years later. Many English majors have achieved financial success as well as fulfillment in their careers. With your support and his or her hard work, your child will be okay!

Are you an English major? Would you recommend youngsters to follow your path?

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The beginning of every school year signifies a fresh start. For me, this year is extra special. One of my sons just entered middle school, while the other just started high school. For parents, the transition from middle school to high school can be almost as difficult as it is for their children!

The thing is, we want our children to have better lives than our own. We don’t want them hurt, struggling, or failing, so we try to help them the best that we can …but  where do you draw the line at helping? How can they become competent adults capable of helping themselves?

Let’s talk about the different consequences of helicopter and outer space parenting and how to find the middle ground.

Helicopter Parenting and its Consequences

The helicopter parenting metaphor was first appeared in 1969 in the bestselling book Between Parent & Teenager by Dr. Haim Ginott. It is a pejorative term for parents that hover over their kids much like helicopters. These parents attempt to do tasks that their children are capable of doing alone or with little assistance.

According to studies mentioned here, helicopter parents don’t provide their kids with enough intellectual, creative, and emotional freedom, and there are several serious consequences.. This kind of parenting often results from emotional lack that the parents themselves feel due to their own workaholic, unavailable parents or from an excessive pressure to succeed.

Ironically, helicopter parenting can decrease the confidence and self-esteem of your child. Children of helicopter parents can feel unsure of themselves and fear failure and repercussions as they’ve never handled decisions on their own. This is a big impediment to learning and job success in later years .

Without developing proper problem-solving and coping skills, it’s hard for teens to build the resilience they need to focus on their education, maintain good mental health, and develop good habits and general life skills. Most importantly, teens need to figure out who they are, what makes them happy, and how to make good decisions.

 

Outer Space Parenting and its Consequences

Another approach is to let your kids fend for themselves. Sometimes I hear parents bragging about how progressive they are because they just let their kids be kids. Of course, the parents bragging are the ones with success stories. Some children will be fine on their own, but that should be treated as an exception rather than the norm.

Outer space parenting also results from issues that are happening for the parents–not necessarily their children. Overworked, stressed parents who can’t/don’t strike a balance between work and family life may leave their children on their own (physically or emotionally) too frequently because they lack the time or emotional reserves to “be there” for their kids. Consequently, their kids may struggle to get the support they need to develop the skills for emotional health and success.

We are all different–there can’t be a cookie-cutter approach to parenting and education. As your child’s guide, you must pay attention to their strengths, weaknesses, and emotions, but it’s also important to consider your own feelings and motivations, and take time to look at them objectively. Tip for a helicopter parent: Children are strong and resilient. Tip for an outer space parent: Children, even as they are approaching adulthood, need to know that you are there for them.

So, How Involved Should You Be in Your Child’s Education?

While I was thinking about the helicopter-parenting dilemma, I had a funny conversation with my son.  I asked him to rank me from 0 to 10, with the 0 being helicopter and 10 being an outer space parent.

He said I was a four while I had been thinking I was a six. To me, that seemed perfect. He thinks I’m too involved, and I worry that I’m not involved enough. Now, when I intervene and he complains, I tell him I’m trying to stay between a 4 and a 6 and he can let me know, in a friendly way, when I need to back off. This healthy position strikes a balance between wanting to help my son succeed and letting him learn to take responsibility for himself and make his own decisions.

Middle school children, on the other hand, need to have the propellers going a little bit more. Middle school students learn better with active guidance and personalized support from parents.

High school introduces more responsibility and expects more of students. Once your child is in high school, you should strongly consider backing off a bit. Though there may be growing up issues you will need to deal with more, teens need less parent engagement in their everyday education choices.

I suggest that parents take the role of being a guide or advisor. It is important to let your child know, regularly but discreetly, where you stand, what your values are, and that you are available to listen and guide. Your child may not instantly take you up on the offer, but not-so-little pitchers still have big ears.

Let Your Kid Fail – Sometimes

Scary as it may seem, effective parenting sometimes means letting your children fail. Parents need to help kids learn that they can handle failure and challenges. However, you don’t want to leave them feeling unsupported or vulnerable.

Parents should be a safety net and a resource, remaining close enough that you can step in when your child really needs you, but far enough that you’re still allowing them to make decisions and solve their own problems.

Let us know which approach you’d pick!

(This post was written by Anna Colibri. When Anna’s not working on digital marketing projects, she spends her time parenting two boys in beautiful San Francisco, California.)

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Over chocolate shakes the other day I asked my teen-aged niece what the words “parent-teacher conference” called to mind. She responded without hesitation, “No school!”

Point taken.

Many parents may think the parent teacher conferences are a chore to be endured (or avoided). Yet, with a little attitude shift, these conferences can greatly impact a student’s experience and learning at school.

Here are a few ideas to make sure your conference is a benefit to your child.

Plan to Attend

It’s often quite a feat for parents to attend the conferences. It probably involves taking time off work, coordinating childcare, and rearranging schedules. So why bother? Here’s why:

You Build Relationships.
First of all, this is an opportunity to build a relationship with the teacher. In my experience parents often find it much easier to communicate with a teacher once contact has already been made. And honestly, teachers often find they are more comfortable calling up a parent or shooting an email to someone whom they’ve already met.

You Get to Know Your Child.
Your child’s teacher can provide valuable insights into your child’s strengths, areas of struggle, and school “personality.” I have mystified many a parent when I’ve asked them to encourage their child to speak more in class, while they thought their child was a chatterbox. Also, you can fill in the teacher about your child’s interests, behaviors, and habits at home. Teachers benefit from having a fuller picture of your child, especially in the upper grades where they often see a student’s work only in one subject.

You Learn How to Support.
Finally, conferences often give parents essential information they need to better support their children. As a teacher, not only do I give suggestions on which areas need help and how you can give it, I always have extra “goodies” on hand: a course syllabus, reading lists, helpful websites, various other handouts that may never have made it out of the black hole of a ninth grader’s backpack.

Go Prepared

I know, it sounds like homework, but conferences go fast, and a little prep ahead of time makes a world of difference. To make the most of your time, do a little thinking before hand. What do you hope to gain by attending the conference? Do you have specific concerns about your student academically or socially? Do you have a good sense of the expectations in your child’s class? Do you understand what the various assessments mean? If your child needs extra help, what can the teacher recommend?

Many conferences are including the students themselves these days, as it is all about them! If your child’s school does not include the student in the conference, talk to your child beforehand. Is there anything he finds difficult? What does he like most? What does she think her teacher will have to say about her work in class. Does she agree? Can your child articulate the expectations in the class and how grades are calculated? Just thinking through these questions will help your child, and the teacher will be able to give you the specific information you need.

Want to know more? Here’s a long list of questions that a teacher may love to answer – but your conference may not be long enough to cover them all!

Actively Participate

Growth and development are the purpose of education. Expect the teachers to cover (and ask if they don’t):

-> Your child’s strengths and the habits, abilities, and interests that help
-> Your child’s challenges and areas of growth and development

Sometimes teachers get lost in their own jargon, or forget that not everyone knows the meaning of objective 3.2.1 for 10th grade English. During one conference I remember a parent looking very confused and trying to figure out the meaning of “SWBAT” on the board. (FYI, it means “Students will be able to…”) Don’t hesitate to ask for clarification.

By the way, a heartfelt ‘thank you’ is always appreciated!

Take Action

You should leave the conference with some real, concrete next steps. Maybe it’s an email check-in next month, a new resource to pursue, helping your child become more organized, or just a conversation with your child.

Keep in mind, the most effective “next steps” are made in partnership. Most high school teachers have well over 100 students on their rolls, more typically 150. Make it as easy as possible for the teacher to be attentive to the needs of your child.

Just showing up to the conference signals your investment in your child’s academic life. Your child – and your child’s teacher – will notice. And you may notice a difference in your child’s school experiences too.

Do you have any PTC stories to share? We’d love to hear them!

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